Deception Point....!

if preparatory was pointless & 1st electrical was a turning point,....let 2nd electrical be the Deception Point......!!!

it's not mainly about a deceit ,...i just thought that i wanted to give this year a title & i remembered that i took the 1st 6 days in this year reading Deception Point (for Dan Brown),.....so i just named the year Deception Point.....!!!

remembering how 1st elec. passed & the summer vacation followed it i can say that it was really a turning point ,...although it was bad & mayb severe for lots of times,.. i had to pass through that to wake up & find out more about ppl & life nature ,....unfortunately i had the worst summer vacation ever & it had an extremely bad end that made me start 2nd elec. with -ve feelings & thoughts towards evth & evb to the extent that i felt i can't stand same places & faces that remind me of bad events....!!!

shortly i felt that i'm not ready to start this year ,...i didn't have much enthusiasm as i had in the previous 2 years.....although i wasn't sure about joining engineering after high school but after all converting the system was kind of new experience to be tried so i didn't felt so bad about starting the year & it turned out that it's ok somehow,....similarly 1st elec. had sth diff. so i was looking forward to trying it,....on the other hand i felt that 2nd elec. had nth better + i was still deeply depressed.....!!!

all that enforced my lack of interest in the beginning of that new year....though i have some contradictions that i may be so depressed & believe in nth but still work & do all what i can even if i dnt have the enough spirit & excitement.....& i guess sometimes it works for me !!

mayb gradually through the 1st term my -ve feelings became less but i can't say that all my -ve thoughts went away ,.....to be specific i was fluctuating,....ups & downs .....& mayb more downs......actually i sometimes felt bad to be a source of depression for others,...that's y i decided sometimes to talk less to decrease the flow of negativity coming out of me ....^o)!
though i was told once that i'm a source of inspiration , energetic & dedicated ,....i couldn't believe it .....but it was nice to feel that i'm not always a source of depression !!!!

for most of the times through this year i felt that i miss myself ,......there's sth wrong but dnt know where .......i dnt cheer up easily......i dnt have much excitement in my work, ......i'm not doing well in exams, i can't tell anymore whether i'm doing ok or not....i'm not satisfied with my performance , i always feel that i could have done better,......i'm not satisfied with my way generally,......& worse i'm not satisfied that i'm not satisfied .....still i have this feeling!!!

surely it was not a bad year all the time,.....i sometimes had fun & made diff. things related or unrelated to studying ,.....i knew some new ppl & mayb bothered some others :s !!!!


briefly,....i can't say it was a good year,......but mayb after a year or so i can find out that it wasn't that bad,.....or that i had to pass through it to learn sth or to change sth in me,....dunno....!!!




hope that i would be excused if i bothered any1 through this year...!!
hope that this summer won't be as bad as the last one....!!
hope that Allah guides me to the right way next year....& through all my life!!
hope that Allah gives me the strength to survive in this mad world..!!
HOPE that i can find me......!!!!!!!

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رَبَّنَا لاَ تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِن نَّسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَا إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لاَ طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِ وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَآ أَنتَ مَوْلاَنَا فَانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِين